So, I have cancer. It feels so weird saying those words "I have cancer". I still have a hard time believing that I have cancer. I remember going into the breast center for an ultrasound thinking it would be nothing. In fact I had many people, including my doctor, assure me it would be nothing. The day of the ultrasound I could see on the technician's faces that something was wrong. They had a radiologist come into the room and tell me I would have to have a biopsy on the lumps in my breast "just to be on the safe side". I was shocked. I've never had anything abnormal about my health. The weekend passed and the day came where I had my biopsy done and the radiologist telling me he would call with the results the next day. Everyone reassured me it was going to be fine. The next day I got a call around noon at work. The radiologist told me I had cancer and started rambling on other things that didn't make any sense at the time. I just cried. I couldn't rap my head around what was going on, what he was saying, what was I going to do. I remember thinking how calm he was, like he had made this call a million times. Didn't he understand what he was saying to me? Once I got off the phone I called my mom who came and picked me up from work. We cried.......and maybe drank a little.
The hardest part about cancer is the waiting. You have to wait to get more tests, then wait for the results, then wait to meet the surgeon/oncologist/plastic surgeon. No test or doctor can tell you what exactly is going on until surgery......which leads to more waiting for an opening for surgery. My surgery was on April 22nd at 1:30pm. I couldn't wait to have surgery! I wanted to know what kind of cancer was in my breast. After surgery I found out that I had four small tumors in the upper left quadrant of my right breast, ranging in size from 0.5cm to 1.5cm. Though the tumor was very aggressive at Grade 3, the stage was 1. This means that the cancer hasn't spread to my lymph nodes and the tissue around my tumors were clear of any abnormal cells. This was good news....when you have cancer.
Now that I knew what type of cancer I had I could make a plan with my oncologist for treatment. Did you know that there is a computerized system that you can enter your age and diagnosis and it will summarize your chances of recurrence/death from your specific cancer? Well, they do and it's damn depressing. I thought I was lucky until some stupid computer program told me I only had a 50% chance of never getting cancer again if I didn't do chemo plus other therapy drugs.
So, this brings us to the present...of getting a port placed, cutting my hair, and having four rounds of chemotherapy!
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Lauren,
ReplyDeleteThis blog is such an amazing way to capture the journey that you have begun. Although this was not in your future plans, you have been given an opportunity to show the world what a strong woman you are. This blog has the potential to help many other young mothers out there who may face the same obstacles that you are currently facing.
Many women in your shoes would hide away and close off to the rest of the world. I am so proud that you are sharing your journey and allowing others to be a part of it. I know that this time seems like it will never pass but one day you will look back and say I beat cancer.
Kaley is very lucky to have a mother who is so willing to share her experience and be honest about what is going on. Always remember that you are given only what you can handle and as long as you stay strong and focused you can get through this.
Thank you for allowing us to be there for you,
Niki Vander Velde
P.S. If you go to clustermaps.com you can embed a map that will show you who is visiting your blog.
Loren, Your mom and I are cousins, so I think I'm your 'second cousin'. You are a brave young woman and I will be following your progress and sending you positive thoughts from Tucson.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dana (Senneff) Luety
How did you learn to make a blog? Looks hard to me. I will send your blog to friends that are asking me "How is Lauren doing'? Thanks for starting this blog for your friends and family. It is so hard to imagine what you are going through but it helps hearing about your cancer and surgeries straight from you. So many people have asked me, "What can we do?', so please write in your blog what your friends and family can do to help out in anyway. We pray for your strength to handle what your are going thru. We love you. Katherine & Bob Heth
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriend, Amber, just finished her final chemo treatment. They did a bilateral mastectomy last August, back when she was 29 years old... Good thing, too, because they found out that she had some special cancer cells that were really unusual in both breasts-- even though the PET scan only showed the cancer in one breast.
ReplyDeleteShe's done and healthy and clean now, and in under a year from her diagnosis...
You can do this, too. The key? Your good attitude.